Porn Kills Love?

November 17, 2017
Does porn kill love? What's the big deal, right? I mean, if adults want to look at pictures of naked people being sexy, then they should be able to, right? What's the big deal? Why the heck does Kirsten keep talking about this and posting about it on her Facebook page? It makes me feel so uncomfortable/angry/guilty/judged. Maybe I'll block her. Well, I'll tell you.

Today is Fight the New Drug's Rep the Movement Day. In fact, they have designated the whole month of November as "Nopornovember", kind of a mouthful. Have you seen their shirts around? They say "Porn Kills Love". Ever wondered why they would choose that as their motto? If you'd asked me that about eight years ago I would have rolled my eyes and ho-hummed some comment about people needing to stay out of other people's bedrooms. That's before I, as they say, "got woke" to the damage that had been inflicted in my own life by pornography. Pornography, what it represents, the dehumanizing, spirit squishing, body-critical, unrealistic, profit driven, lust fueled awfulness of it has shadowed most of my life. I'd like to give you two very small snapshots of times when un-looked for, un-sought after porn entered my life and killed something inside of me.

I'm between ten and twelve years old. A large group of kids and I were tearing around town, enjoying the freedom that seems to have been lost to kids in these days. About three blocks from my house was a field with a irrigation ditch and a spring surrounded by cattails. An amazing natural playground now covered by a trailer park. There it was, laying on the muddy ground. A Playboy magazine. I don't remember how many kids looked. I don't remember what was said or who left first, or if anyone took any of those pages. In fact, I only remembered this after a few months of intensive therapy. Yep. That happens. Something damages you so badly that your brain "forgets" it to protect yourself.
Anyway, I looked. And then I looked again. And those things stayed in my little girl, growing into a young woman brain and never left. And those pictures and those words killed something in me. They killed my innocence. They killed what should have been a natural, slow awakening of the idea of being an adult female and the idea of what sex was. The damage that was inflicted on the girl that I used to be is incalculable. I now label it as child abuse. But the only person to blame is the porn industry.

I'm babysitting for a family friend. I'm between 16 and 18 years old. It's late and the kids have been put to bed. I'm bored. There's a book on the table. I pick it up and start to read. It's not a normal book. It's what they try to kindly call an "erotic novel". I know it's wrong, but I can't put it down. It's like a train wreck. But instead of watching lives being lost, I'm inside myself watching my young girl romantic dreams be murdered. So this is what it's supposed to be like? This is what people to do and with each other? This is love? This book is in a good persons' house. This person is a member of my church and they read this? This must be okay? Something has been killed inside of me.

There's more. I don't want to talk about the more.

I just wanted to try and show that pornography, once it's let out into the world, doesn't discriminate who it damages. It is an equal opportunity exploiter. Ten years old? Fair game. LDS bishop, fair game. Housewife? Fair game. Captain of the football team? Fair game. Vulnerable survivor of child sexual abuse? Fair game. The more broken people the porn industry can produce, the more potential participants it creates. It is a never ending downward spiral. Unless someone says "NO. I won't participate in that". Unless parents take the time to teach their kids what to do when they see it. Did you know that the average age of exposure to pornography drops every year? I think it's down to 8 now. 8! And what kids see now is not what I saw when I was a kid. Now it's graphic and often very violent live  and unlimited sex acts at the tip of their fingers through the internet on their phones. Is that really the way you want your kids to learn about sex? What will die in them if their first exposure and sexual awakening is a gang bang?

What was your first brush with pornography? How did it effect you? What did it kill inside of you and how will you fight to get it back?

So, yea. I won't shut up about it. Porn does kill love. It kills a lot of stuff. But love is the most important. It is my opinion that love is the ultimate goal of God and the Universe. So if the the powers of evil can use something as easily accessed and enticing as pornography to kill the roots of love then where does that leave us? It leaves us with the responsibility to educate ourselves and our kids about the difference between love and lust.  It leaves us with the responsibility to NOT financially support any business that makes money off the exploiting of our fellow human beings. It leaves us with the responsibility to fight for love. If we can't even say the word, how can we fight the evil? So I'll keep wearing my shirt and posting on Facebook. And I'll hope you do the same all year. Not just on Rep the Movement Day, but all year long, forever.

Here's some additional sites where you can find education and support in the fight for love.

Educate Empower Kids
National Center on Sex Exploitation

These sites, along with Fight the New Drug can point you towards many more resources.


Crying Over Wonder Woman

November 6, 2017

Sometimes I want to write about something, but so does everyone else, so I don’t, but then it comes back to me so many times that I do it anyway.

Lots of people, women in particular, have written about how the movie Wonder Woman affected them. They’ve written about female empowerment from a thousand different angles. It was great. I loved the articles and the discussions surrounding them.

The first time I saw Wonder Woman, I was in the theatre with a group of real life Wonder Women; wom...

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Choose Your Own Adventure!

July 22, 2017

Choose Your Own Adventure. Does anyone remember these books?

“You're The Star! 40 Thrilling Endings!

Will You Become Trapped In Time?

You are hiking in Snake Canyon when you find yourself lost in the strange, dimly lit Cave of Time.  Gradually you can make out two passageways. One curve downward to the right; the other leads upward to the left. It occurs to you that the one leading down may go to the past and the one leading up may go to the future. Which way will you choose?

If you tak...

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Divorce, Dung, Disneyland, and Drowning

June 11, 2017

Hang with me here. I’m going to try and bring this all together. Also, in the interest of full disclosure…I love Jesus, but sometimes I swear.

The D-word. Divorce. I’ve done twice. The first time I did it because I was left with no choice. I never thought I’d do it again, but I did. It was horrible, horrible both times. The second time it was more of a choice, but a choice I agonized and prayed over for a long time.  Both times it simultaneously killed me and set me free. It killed m...

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Love God, Love Yourself, Love Your Neighbor

March 13, 2017

I had, errrr, I mean, got to give a talk in my new  LDS church ward today. It was the shortest talk ever, being cut down by about 8 minutes as I sat there watching the time tick, tick, tick away after being scheduled to be the concluding speaker at the homecoming talk of a Sister Missionary (why do they do that?!). But I think it may have made the talk stronger. It certainly was short and to the point. And, like, BAM! Sister Beitler's in the house. Lol. Anyway. I had some requests to have a c...

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To Coddiwomple (Or, Peace That Passeth Understanding)

January 16, 2017

You know how everyone is choosing a word that will be the theme for their year? I think I’ve found mine. I wanted it to be something like “JOY” or “HOPE” but instead I think it will be “CODDIWOMPLE”. Coddiwomple means to travel in a purposeful manner towards a vague destination.I feel like I'm being very purposeful, but the exact destination seems to elude me.

This is why Coddiwomple is my word for 2017.

I’ve been looking for a rental for about a month now. I started on the ...

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On Having A Mary Christmas

January 16, 2017

I sit here on Christmas morning alone. Lots of people have asked me if it will be hard to not have my kids on Christmas, did I need anything, did I want to come over. I am so grateful for their kindness but I’m okay. I don’t feel alone. I’m spending the day with my Savior. First times are always hard. Change is always hard. Bringing fourth new traditions and finding joy in sorrow is something I am getting better at. Sometimes people will see that I’ve been crying and they might think ...

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Jump Therapy

January 15, 2017

I wake up this Sunday morning on my day off at 5:00 am. Ugh. But I’m rested and I’ve learned that when waking that early it’s best to get up and do something, starting with a talk with God, because if I lay there it inevitably turns into a talk with Satan, and ain’t nobody got time for that.


I get a drink of water and hop in the shower. I cry a little, because showers are good for that, as I talk to God about some of my worries, thank Him for His help this last hard week, enjoy the ...

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Trading My Dreams for a Dental Plan?

January 8, 2016

This post goes out to everyone whose life has turned out differently then they’d hoped. Those people who were on a track that seemed to stretch into eternity with no change in sight, and then all of the sudden, PLOT TWIST!

Well, not really all the sudden. What’s going on in my life right now has taken years to happen and years to come to fruition. Years for things to be cried over, agonized over, worked over, prayed over, and decided on. Years for things that needed to break to break. Ye...

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Solo Show-Beauty in the Eye

August 31, 2015

From The Independent:

"During September in the Olive Esplin Art Gallery at the DiFiore Center for the Arts, local artist Kirsten Holt Beitler presents a solo art exhibit, “Beauty in the Eye.” The opening reception will be held Monday, August 31 from 7-9 p.m.

The show highlights the impact of eye disease on a person’s life, family, and community. Several conditions are explored, including diabetic retinopathy, uveitis, macular degeneration, and keratoconus, a degenerative eye disease affec...

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A Little Introduction...

Kirsten Beitler I am an florist, artist, teacher, and single mom of four boys, not necessarily in that order depending on the day! This blog is about all the things that interest me; art, relationships, friends, kids, teaching, adoption, being a Mormon, chickens, divorce, therapy, essential oils, know,totally normal stuff.
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All text and images on this blog are my property unless otherwise noted. Please, be respectful.   © Kirsten Beitler


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