Sometimes I want to write about something, but so does everyone else, so I don’t, but then it comes back to me so many times that I do it anyway.

Lots of people, women in particular, have written about how the movie Wonder Woman affected them. They’ve written about female empowerment from a thousand different angles. It was great. I loved the articles and the discussions surrounding them.

The first time I saw Wonder Woman, I was in the theatre with a group of real life Wonder Women; women who are strong and powerful in fighting for their beliefs, their families, their marriages, for decency, and virtue. Women who I have had the privilege of fighting alongside for the past four years or so, though it seems that we have known each other forever, since the first time I meant each of them my spirit whispered, “Sister”.

I was inspired by the strong female characters, I wanted to join a cross-fit gym (I know, you can stop laughing now, obviously I did not), I was relieved to find that I was not offended by the costuming, and I found the gender switch of the nude scene to be humorously and respectfully handled. I was excited to share the film with my boys.

This didn’t happen until the film was out on a streaming service. So there we were watching it together at our house. This was very helpful as we had many interesting conversations about things that were happening in the film while we were watching.

And then THAT scene started. Diana at No Man’s Land. She was full of commitment, ready to accomplish her mission of finding and destroying Ares, the God of War, but she needed to get past that horrible killing ground. All the men around her knew it was impossible. It WAS impossible. Impossible doesn’t stop Wonder Woman. She’s got a job to do. She jumps out the trenches and starts towards the German line. She defects bullet after bullet but then she gets to a point where she just can’t get any further. She is pinned in place by machine gun fire. She’s a goddess, she’s almost impossible to kill, but she needs help to accomplish her goals. And she is not left alone. Even though he knows it might kill them all, Steve jumps out of the trenches after her, then The Chief, and Charlie follow suit. They draw fire, and take out the machine gun that has pinned Diana down, opening up the way for her and the other soldiers to storm the German line and take No Man’s Land.

Here’s where I find myself bawling uncontrollably. My boys are rolling their eyes. Mom is crying over Wonder Woman. But here’s why.

I have been involved in some battles in my life. I feel pretty capable of attaining my goals in these battles. Some of these battles have been soul and heart crushing, involving men who should have been by my side, fighting with me and instead were on the enemy lines.  During the time I was watching this movie with my boys I had recently had to re-engage in battle for the safety of my boys. I was worn out and feeling pinned down and I felt like there was no one by my side to jump out of the trenches and provide support. During times like those it is so easy to become discouraged. Feeling like you’re fighting a war all alone is exhausting. When I watched those perfectly imperfect, broken but good hearted men throw themselves towards danger to support this magnificent woman, my heart cried out. Where are those men? Where are the warriors? Where are the ones who will rise up out of their trenches and throw off their chains and bravely advance towards enemy lines? They don’t have to be perfect! We need them! Why do they stay in the trenches and watch the women and children around them be destroyed? Those damn trenches. They provide the mere illusion of safety. No one is safe in the trenches.

The next morning I was reading in the Book of Mormon, Alma 58. 58 is a war chapter. The BOM is full of war chapters. I used to think that the reason the BOM was so full of war was because it was written by men for men, but now I think that those prophets knew that  in the future a lot of women like me would be alone and at war. They knew we’d be fighting for our souls and the souls of our children against the massive powers of darkness now arrayed against us by “evil and designing men” who want to enslave the human spirit for money and power using every addictive tool they can think of. These people are servants of the Adversary, Satan, and he and them are doing a pretty good job with their destruction. Think I’m being overly dramatic? I assure you I am not. I feel pinned down a lot. I think that these prophets knew we’d need some battle strategy taught to us by the Spirit to help us figure out how to fight.

So I’m reading and I find myself reliving this movie scene, but this time spiritually, as I began to read the battle plan on what to do when you’re filled with grief and fear.

“Therefore we did pour out our souls in prayer to God, that he would strengthen us and deliver us out of the hands of our enemies, yea, and also give us strength….and it came to pass that the Lord our God did visit us with assurances that he would deliver us; yea, insomuch that he did speak peace to our souls, and did grant unto us great faith, and did cause us that we should hope for our deliverance in him. And we did take courage with our small force which we had received, and were fixed with a determination to conquer our enemies, and to maintain our lands, and our possessions, and our wives, and our children, and the cause of our liberty.”

Alma 58 10-12

This brought peace to me. Brought to my mind were all the men who have fought beside me and for me. My imperfect and strong hearted brothers and father, my imperfect and loving bishop, my amazing and almost perfect (here he would cringe) at the time Stake President, and many neighbors and friends who did all they could and can do to support me and my children. And my own boys, imperfect and learning and growing as best they can under difficult circumstances.  What are we fighting for? To maintain our liberty. When we participate in or allow any substance, thought, circumstance, or spirit into our life or our home that can cause the loss of the spirit, decent in to addictive behaviors, or put our bodies or spirits in danger, we risk giving over our liberty, our freedom, our agency to Satan. Then he’s got us trapped in the trenches. It takes unbelievable effort to get out of those trenches. Believe me, I know. And I’m no Wonder Woman. I’m just me. 

I guess this is a rallying cry for all those warrior hearts out there to keep fighting and not give up. Remember, you don’t have to be perfect. You’re not going to be perfect! Bring your scars and battle wounds. Bring your great hearts. Keep fighting the good fight and help all those wonder women out there when they get pinned down by enemy fire. They can’t and shouldn’t have to do it alone. My brothers, if you’ve been touched at all by the “Me too’s”, if you’ve felt the call to be better and do better, if, in the quiet, dark hours of the night you’ve wondered why you can’t live up to the man you know you could be, I’m calling on you to stand up out of whatever trench you’ve dug yourself into and rise up. Sisters, use your warrior-mom hearts to fight for yourself and your kids. God is there, waiting to be your backup. You are NOT alone, even when you feel like you are.